Why Children Shouldn’t Be Forced to Give Hugs and Kisses
In many cultures, physical displays of affection — like hugs and kisses — are seen as polite ways to greet family and friends. But while these gestures are often rooted in tradition, it’s time we question whether they should ever be required of children.
The short answer? They shouldn’t.
Children have the right to control their own bodies, and this includes whether they want to hug or kiss someone — even a grandparent. What might seem like harmless affection can actually teach kids to ignore their discomfort, which can have serious emotional consequences later in life.
Let’s explore why physical contact should always be voluntary for children — and how this shift can help raise more confident, empathetic, and emotionally safe kids.
💬 Physical Affection Is Cultural, Not Universal
In Spain, it’s common to greet others with two kisses on the cheek or a big hug. In China, a bow or a handshake might be more appropriate. In Morocco, greetings vary widely depending on the relationship — a hand on the heart for formal encounters or multiple kisses for close friends or family.
These customs are learned behaviors, passed down by observing others. But for children, especially after the COVID-19 pandemic, social norms around physical contact have evolved. Many children now grow up understanding that verbal greetings can be just as respectful as physical ones — and that they have a choice.
🧠 Teaching Consent Starts Early
Pediatricians, educators, and psychologists increasingly agree: consent is not just for adults. It starts in childhood.
Dr. Mar López, a pediatrician and author of The Hug Monster, emphasizes that forcing kids to give hugs or kisses — even to close family members — undermines their ability to set boundaries. “If we want them to be teenagers and adults who know how to say no, we must begin by empowering them to say no as children,” she explains.
When a child is taught that their discomfort should be ignored in favor of politeness, they learn that their feelings are less important than someone else’s expectations. Over time, this erodes their ability to stand up for themselves.
🔐 Respecting Children’s Boundaries Protects Them
Teaching children that they’re allowed to say no to physical contact is not just about comfort — it’s about safety.
A 2024 report titled Child Sexual Abuse: A Serious, Structural, and Growing Problem revealed that between 70% and 85% of abuse cases happen within the child’s trusted inner circle — family members, close family friends, or caregivers. When kids are taught to automatically comply with physical closeness from familiar adults, they may have a harder time recognizing or resisting inappropriate situations.
That’s why the key message should be: your body belongs to you.
🛑 Five Things Every Adult Should Know
- Politeness ≠ Physical Affection
A child can be perfectly polite without hugging or kissing someone. Verbal greetings, thank-yous, and respectful behavior are enough. - Affection Must Be Voluntary
Hugs and kisses should be freely offered, not expected. A child’s willingness matters more than anyone’s feelings of entitlement. - Boundaries Build Self-Esteem
Encouraging children to say “no” when they feel uncomfortable teaches self-respect, confidence, and emotional independence. - Children Don’t Belong to Adults
Being a parent, grandparent, or relative doesn’t give you ownership of a child’s body or emotions. True connection comes from respect and trust. - Empathy Is Essential
Respecting a child’s rhythm and feelings helps them feel safe and supported. Children raised with empathy grow into empathetic, emotionally intelligent adults.
❤️ Let Affection Be a Choice, Not a Demand
Forcing a child to give a kiss “just to be nice” may seem harmless, but it sends a damaging message: that others’ comfort matters more than their own. In a world where we want children to grow up assertive, safe, and emotionally secure, we must start by respecting their right to choose.
Instead of demanding a hug, offer one. If they say no, honor that. Because every time you respect their boundary, you teach them that they — and their feelings — are worth protecting.